Johnny C meets the veggie tales!
by slinko
Summary: oh no.
1. Chapter 1

Nny needed food. He was huuuuunngory. He needed chow chow! Nny frowned and opened his refrigerator.

"Hmmm...Nothing but a little mutant pickles and miniature rhinocoruses." Nny mumbled to himself. He frowned. He couldn't eat anything like THAT! nny left his house and went to the nearest grocery store. He walked in real casual like, trying to avoid the strange looks given to him by the turnip people. Stupid turnip people. Johnny walked around the grocery store, a few people looked at him funny, but johnny wasn't in a killing mood today. Ha ha. Kill. ha. Did you know that the word 'gullible' isn't in the dictionary?

Nny walked past the vegatable section. He totally was ignoring them. Until he heard a small voice.

"Psst! Hey! Psst! Can you help us?" asked a voice from the vagatables. Nny paused and turned around. He looked at the tomatoes. Huh? Was there a tomato talking to him?

"Pssssst! Hey you! Gothic thin creepysih guy! pssssssssst!" said a tomato. nny lifted an eyebrow. wtf? Was a tomato TALKING to him? And did it have a ...face?.! Oh great, more voices for him to deal with. OOH! The celling!!!

"I'm not going to get yet ANOTHER voice to deal with, you demented fruit." Johnny said. The tomato screamed!

"I'M NOT A FRUiT! i'M A FUCKiNG VETABLE! i CAN'T SPELL VEGATABLE! AHHHHHH! MiLK IS FROM COWS!" the tomato hollered horridly. moo.

" ummm...okay whate-"

"LARRY! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!" he screamed. A pickle crawled out from the pile of vetables.

"i'M NOT A FUCKING PICKLE YOU LAZY-ASS AUTHOR! GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT! Anywho, what is it bob?" he asked

"This guy is gonna break us outta this joint!" Bob said. Larry smiled.

"No i'm not." Johnny said simply. The cucumber and tomato sat there for a while staring at him. There was a loooooonnng akwaaaaaaarrrdd siiiilllleeeennnnccceeee...

When finally,

"God wants you to break us outta here." Bob said. ha! i have bad grammer! ha!

"Yeah. It would be the CHRiSITiAN thing to do" Larry said.

"i"ve seen god with my own eyes. He's kind of...um...lacking." Nny said. Larry looked angry.

"Shut up you little bastard! You were probably hallucinating! God is cool'!" bob said.

" He represents a small blob..well...just read the comic okay?" Nny said," And anyways, I'm not gonna help two vetables escape from the grocery store. In fact, I shall devour you both." He said, and he picked up the vatables and ate them whole. Yum. Pokemon used to be cool.


	2. chapter negative two

**disclaimer: I SHOULD have a disclaimer here. But i don't. ha.

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About one day later...Johnny was justa walkin' down the street singin' do da diddy diddy dum diddy do. Okay not really but still, laundry is a pain. Johnny was having a particularly BAD day today because of his, ever-present, stalker Jimmy. Or as he called himself, 'Darkness'. nny sighed and looked up at the sky. What the hell was that? Oh. just a bird...Nny squinted. No...it was a plane. Wait...no! It was super man! okay neverming. ha. I can't spell. Nny started to just stand around and look emo. That was a grrrreat hobby of his. anyways, johnny was standin' around when...

" do de dum. You da bum. a chunka funk and whatcha gonna do wit all dat junk all that junk insida dat trunk? Yo!" What's a paramicium?

Nny looked down at where the sound was coming from. Standing on the curb was a small, green, ugly, aspargus little boy with a cap. He was rappin' like there was no tomarrow. I actually enjoy sardines. Projectile vomiting.

" What is with all these veetables?" nny asked himself. The asparagus looked up at him.

" oh yo mo. You wanna me rap fo yo?" he asked in his gangsta slango.

" No." said johnny and he began to think about what happened yestrday. He had meet two vetables yesterday at the grocery store...and now...this? What the crap?.! Were vetables taking over the world or something? sigh...

"C'mon yo dawg! pay me some slack! or some money yo! Fo-shizzle!" He begged. Nny's eye twicthed. Annoynce!

"Just be quiet and don't annoy me or i'll be forced to bring you to my house and painfully torture you" Nny answered. The asparagus snarled. Just then, a little carrot girl walked up to the asparagus.

"junior! Junior asparagus! As i live and breathe! i never thought that i would ever see you again! soooo, how'v you been doin' buddy? i Thought that you weren't outta the cooler yet!" She asked. Junior smiled and a golden tooth showed. The poopsmith.

"Got off early because of good behavior yo. " He said. The carrot girl grinned. Hmmm...what's the carrot girls name again? Oh well, i guess that doesn't matter. Hippopatumi.

" i see. Tough enough. Anywho, who's the glonch?" she asked gesturing to Johnny and saying 'glonch' as if it were a horrible curse word.

" He's my new best bud yo! cept' fo yo of course. " Junior replied. nny rolled his eyes.

" I am not your friend. I've never met you before in my life. Sari isn't good at keeping me in charecter." he said. Junior frowned and if he had visible arms, he would've flipped him off.

"I'm leaving now." nny said and he walked away. What had been going on lately? why had he meet two vetabols within the past week? Why did slinko misspell vegatables on purpose? Will slinko ever get more reveiwers? And what of the carrot girl?.! Will we EVER figure out her true identity?.! FiND OUT NEXT TiME ON THE NEXT AMAZiNG ADVENTURE OF...THiS POORLY WRiTTEN FANFiC!!!!


	3. chapter of doom And pie I liiike pie

**Last time on "Johnny C meets the Veggie tales", junior asparagus was discovered raping about god knows what! Johnny was OOC! And Slinko continued to purposly misspell the word vegatablles! WHAT WiLL BECOME OF OUR HEROS NOOOOOWWWW?????

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2 AM. Another 2 Am. Johnny was walking to 24/7. You see, he would've drove there, but his car got hijacked by a couple of squash people. So now he was walking there. Nny wanted a cheery brainfreezy. So do I. I also want an I-pod. But we can't all get what we want now can we?

Anyways, Nny was walking to 24/7. He was almost there, when all of a sudden...

A black limosine drove by and stopped right next to him. Nny stopped walking and stared at the limo. A window in the limo slowly rolled down...and...a machine gun poked out of it! Nnys eyes widened and just as the bullets whizzed through the air Nny ducked and barely avoided them. The car window rolled up it's winodw and smootly drove away.

"WHAT THE fCK WAS THAT?!" Nny swore and he got up off the ground. He looked around breifly.

"That was freaky. Oh well. Brainfreezy!"

Meanwhile inside of the black limosine...

The man--er--vegotoble inside of the black limo, lit a cigaretter and put down his machine gun.

"Did we get him master Archibald?" Asked the Butler whom was driving the limo.

"I believe so. The mafiya leader will be pleased with be. Alfread, wine."

"Here you are sir. You are a good hitman for the mafiya. We will get payed well for this." said the butler.

The vegitible popped open the wine bottle and poured it into a champagne glass.

"Yes...we will." said archibald the mafiya hitman asparagus.


	4. OMG AN UPDATE! GET IN THE CAR!

**wait...I'm actually updating this? oh my god. I am. Call the media.

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It was a completly normal day for Johnny C. He was just sitting on the couch flipping through channels and drinking a cheery brainfreezy. Boring...ness reigned throughout the house. And Minnesota. But nobody cares about Minnesota. Minnesota can go to hell for all I care.

SUDDENLY, A SQUASH FLEW THROUGH THE WINDOW!!!! OH MY GOD!!!

The squash hit Nny on the head. He growled. Stupid vigatbles would't leave him alone for even one chapter.

"Who are you?" he spat. The squash looked up at him.

"Wha?"

"I said 'Who are you'" Johnny repeated.

"Well slinko doesn't know my name so my name is now Joe" said Joe the squash, "and I'm selling watches on the blackmarket. wanna buy one?"

Nny snarled.

"I don't WANT to buy any of your illegal watches that don't even fucking work!" he spat. The squash looked hurt.

"FINE. geez." the squashed mumbled. And then he started to leave.

"stupid faggot" the squash muttered under his breath.

Nny jumped in front of the squashs path.

"YOU'S GONNA GET IS NOW BIOTCH!" he screamed, pulling out two long knives.

And then...the squash was no more.

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**I need a new hobby. **


End file.
